We arrived at school ten minutes early, a rare occurrence. I pulled over, looked at Jacob, who had been chatting about the graphics on the new World at War game he wanted and I fully expected him to pop the door open and dive into his junior high day. Instead he said, “Mom, I still have ten minutes. I’d rather stay here and talk.”
I don’t know what my face looked like, but I felt my eyes open wide, my eyebrows lift, and a smile widen across my face and said, “Sure. Good idea.”
We talked about how he wanted to go to Game Stop after school; and how he likes his classes but some of them stress him out, and about the low crotched black leather pants Justin Bieber wore on Dancing With The Stars last night. I mostly listened, joked about the pants, “Maybe you should get a pair?” and reassured him that he would be fine academically, “Just do the best you can son.”
I kept staring at Jacob’s green eyes, as he talked, his dark lashes and smooth, brown paper bag skin—so handsome. The whole time I was thinking, God I’m lucky to have this moment. Look at this boy: My boy. Healthy. Happy. Beautiful. And for these ten minutes, he chose me, over his friends, he chose me.
He would have stayed longer but I pointed out that it was time for him to go and he agreed, grabbed his backpack; fist bumped, opened the door, and said, “Bye Mom.”
I watched him walk away, tan jean shorts, striped V-neck shirt, sculpted faux-hawk hair, his swagger intact and pondered my life.
All four of my kids could tell you story after story of us frantically pulling to the curb, hair frazzled, neck veins bulging, me shouting, “Okay, go, go, go,” as the first bell rang.
Correction: All of my kids could tell you but Justin; no longer here but still part of the story, he is still teaching me to pay attention to moments like this. I was always a good mom, in that moment, I felt like a great mom.
That ten minutes with Jacob stayed with me all day. How privileged I am to have a son who isn’t asking me to drop him off a block away because he’s too embarrassed to be seen with his mother. How good it feels to know he enjoys talking with me. How glad I am, every day, that he is alive and that with both girls away, I still have him to keep me company at home, (not so great when we are doing homework at ten o’clock at night—yuck! But, I’ll take that too). What a benefit to have the time.
A while later, I told my friend Marcia about the morning’s experience and she said, “You know, that’s how God feels when we spend time with Him.”
“Isn’t that a lovely thought?” I said.
I love spending time in nature, sitting outside, under a tree, feeling the air flow over my skin, that’s where I feel closest to God. I wonder if spending time with the creator makes creation feel good too?
Loving choices bless both.
After school, we went to Game Stop as planned (one of my least favorite places since I don’t like playing games) and then made an unplanned stop at a new pet shop that had just opened (my new favorite store in town, here’s a plug for Canyon Pet Center, because Jacob and I love looking at animals).
At bedtime, I told Jacob, “I really like you. I mean, you know I love you, but I really like spending time with you and I’m glad God gave you to me.”
He said, “I know.”
“Yeah, you mean cuz I was an accident?”
Stunned a bit, I said, “Well, yes, you weren’t planned by me but I’m glad you came.”
And he said, “You know Mom, we come to complete the people who are already here.”
Again, I could feel my expression changing to one of awe. I turned to him and said, “Jacob, that’s an amazing thing to say. How do you know that?”
Shrugging, “I don’t know. I just do.”
It has been this way between us his whole life; me teaching him; him teaching me more.
A peck on the cheek goodnight.
He walked away.
My swagger intact.